Curious Skunk

If they didn't smell like something leftover from the Apocalypse, I'd probably not mind skunks at all. Generally speaking, I'm pretty neutral about them. Both dogs, on separate occasions have been skunk-bombed. Both times happened, of course, at last bathroom break before going to bed and so extending my day by a couple of hours as I hunt around for the peroxide, baking soda and soap all the while reminding myself to look into getting a gas mask. When that happens, I am not neutral at all, not towards skunks, not towards dogs, not towards the world in general.

After building the chicken coop, a skunk or two moved in underneath. We had put chicken wire around the coop to prevent such a thing but we ran out before we got around the whole coop. It was just a couple feet and it was by the door so the chickens wouldn't be able to get under the coop and it didn't seem worthwhile to get another whole roll of wire for just a couple of feet and the skunks wouldn't likely find that little, tiny hole anyway so we figured we'd wait until we needed more fencing to complete the job. You know how they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Well the shoulders and all the road signs are there via the excuses one uses not to do something.

That summer, on occasion, I get a faint whiff of skunk but nothing overwhelming and it only happened in the early morning. They never bothered the chickens. So I figured live and let live. Besides several people told me with a skunk underneath the coop, I wouldn't have any issues with rats. Seemed like a good trade off to me. The skunk never tried to get into the coop to eat the eggs so, again, live and let live. On occasion, I'd see the skunk in the early evening, bouncing unconcerned through the chicken pen, ignoring the chickens and the chickens returning the favour.

I hadn't seen any skunks this year and hadn't smelled them either so I figured they had moved on. They hadn't. A couple of weeks ago, I was out closing up the coop for the night. I was a little later than usual, having some minor crisis in the house or something (the something being another cup of tea with that great cake and conversation). Anyhow while I was in the chick pen, I heard scratching and rustling. "Oh great, a chick got out," think I. Nope. About two feet away from the chicken coop door, the door incidentally I had to go through in a couple of minutes to get to the hose to change the water, was a skunk happily digging through some weeds. I went into the coop and started talking softly, gently and very kindly. The words were anything but, however. They were something like, " I need to go out there, ****** skunk, so don't get ******* startled. Don't ******* spray me or I shall ******* kill you in a ******* long, ****** drawn out manner and visit all ****** kinds of ****** wreck and ***** ruin on your ******** decedents for generations to come." Still speaking gently of mass murder and atrocities and throwing in the occasional ******, I gingerly went outside where the skunk was. He looked up, gave me a casual look and went back to grubbing around for bugs. I passed him and continued on to the hose. Since I had five waterers, I had to make three trips. On the second trip, the skunk decided to follow un-nerved me to see what I was doing. It was sort of like a little kid pestering an adult, "Whatcha doing, huh, huh? What's that, eh? Can I help, huh? Huh? Huh? Can I, can I?" While he was way too close for my comfort, he did stay a respectful distance away from me. On the third trip, he was waiting for me and followed me to the hose once again. When I left the coop he had either wandered off or went under the coop again. I guess I bored him after a while.

I haven't seen him since but I do talk softly if I'm out there early evening now. I think if I don't startle him, I'll be OK. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get very ****** un-neutral about skunks again.